I had broken sleep last night. Today I was unwell. I seriously contemplated suicide. I found it would only affect 10ish people. I took a long shower instead. I know it’s stupid but I said I’d be at my appointment on Tuesday. I’m determined to make it until then. I’ll probably be put in the hospital or into intensive outpatient services when I see my new therapist and psychiatrist. I don’t want my privacy  violated like that but I may not have a choice. I contemplated taking a klonopin but felt bedtime was soon and I’d have to tell my husband how close he was to losing me tonight.

Other than that by all accounts I had a wonderful day. I spent time talking to my son and watching him play video games. Had a great lunch just me and my husband. I talked to my sister for a bit. I talked to my mom to tonight. Inside I hurt so bad though, my chest still feels like it’s crushed. No one would suspect that they almost lost me. That’s the scariest thing, I hide well, and things can flip any moment.

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